Being Beautiful

Published April 17, 2013 by beautifulbymystandards

If someone asked me to describe myself til this day I would say:

  14I have slanted eyes which I don’t mind

My forehead is huge lol I’ve told myself its okay because I’m SMART..ha!

I dye my hair black or a golden brown honey color  most days now I never liked the off brown color my parents gave me

I have a flat rather large nose that I hate and my teeth are straight but I feel like they could be perfected

I’ve got huge cheeks and dimples and my chin is short….I have a fat face period! multiply the padding on a decent face x 5 and you’ve got me.

My eyebrows? Naturally I don’t really have much up there so I feel them in. It’s weird because my mom doesn’t have much luck in the eyebrow department either. 

My lips are full top and bottom which means

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some lipstick colors are off-limits ( I’m learning to wear red and feel beautiful in such a dangerous shade) because they make me look sort of clownish. I like the color red its in your face bold and it says sexy and Im fun! Im trying to make it my color so Im learning to wear it.

I’m growing to love myself and who I am for all the things I wont be. I appreciate the Dove commercial for the message it’s sending. I feel like every woman should watch it and take it all in. Watching that dove campaign brought up some serious feelings for myself. I’m a woman and I am very critical on the way that I look and the way that others see me. Feeling beautiful matters as much as we try to deny it or rebuke the shallowness of it all. It could be the way you arrange your hair, that extra 5 lbs you worked so hard to lose, the way you line your eyes, or put on that favorite shade of lipstick. It can be a wide collection of things or very few that make you feel beautiful that make you say to yourself “Im beautiful” regardless of what the world says. Confidence isn’t something your born with its something you grow into. I’m not ashamed to admit that I havent fully grown into my own self confidence and what little I have about myself It took years to gain it. Watching the commercial you start to see beautiful women who think so little of their features in comparison to other women whom they meet. They don’t feel beautiful in comparison to the next woman and when describing themselves they have a held back perception of who they really are. I use to feel like love, luck, a smooth ride in life was reserved for the beautiful people and those that were beautiful had found the ultimate acceptance card. I had to rearrange myself to believe otherwise. I had to say and actually believe that everyone is beautiful in their own unique ways and that often that beauty is seen by other people. There are so many things about myself that I disliked that I would have needed a well stuffed overseas account to fund the mission to change it. But I live in the real world and I’m far away from those extra zeros added onto my account. I learned to deal with it. Deal with it enough to live my life everyday without crawling into a closet and shutting myself in. I tend to avoid glancing at pictures of my favorite celebrity, buying fashion magazines, and romance movies. I feel like if I’m not tempted by the masses  I wont relapse into self hate mode. After years on working on this and years of putting sticky notes on my mirror in the morning and looking at myself in the mirror I finally get it. I’m me and will always be me regardless of who I want to. I love myself honestly but I feel I could look better, be taller, and model thin. But the truth is I’ll never be taller I’m done growing standing at a tall 4 11, Im built like a pear with boobs, and I can buy a new nose and go into some serious debt for it but at the horror of looking worse than I do now ( think toya jackson…any jackson really lol or little kim) Im not so committed to the idea.

“It’s a very long road to being content with who you are and loving yourself regardless of the features you possess that you were made to believe were undesirable. You are who you are and every wrinkle, every curve, every mole, every space in between, every detail was hand crafted specifically for you. But when you get there youll see the beauty that everyone else sees.”

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